I’m in that season of life that I hate so much. As I type that, I think, “I shouldn’t say I hate it. That doesn’t sound like I believe in Jesus. I should write something inspiring about thriving in difficult times.” But the truth is, I hate this season when the friends I’ve lived life with are 1,000 miles away and it’s time to make some friends a bit closer to home. Who am I going to tell that I got stuck in skinny jeans in the Target fitting room? Or that my kid spent five minutes licking the front door? Or that I fell asleep crying last night because reactive attachment disorder is so pervasively awful and sucks the life out of me? Well, the internet, I guess.
I went to my first park play date in Waco yesterday. It was so hard. I left first, because after an hour I was just done. One of the kids was having a really difficult day, and I arrived exhausted and not up for introductory small talk. I couldn’t think of anything to say except, “Hi, my name is Katie. These are my kids, and we are all straight up crazy!” For some reason, that just didn’t feel like the way to go.
Can I tell you that I hated where my heart went next? Straight to the oh-so-stupid comparison game.
For the love, whyyyy did I wear a worn-out college t-shirt with jeans that don’t fit and walmart shoes? When I get home I need to hide these things from myself. I own cute clothes and need to wear them!
Her hair is so perfectly colored and curled. Have her kids not rubbed jelly in it, forcing a ponytail to appear? Maybe her kids eat like humans, not rabid squirrels. That’s probably it. Or maybe they don’t eat jelly!
How does someone have time to acquire a monogrammed necklace? And a Kate Spade bag? And Tiny TOMS?
And on. And on. And why? I left not with a potential friendship, but with a heavier heart, having spent all the time worried about shallow things and desperately trying to squash the crazy in my life that refuses to be hidden. And then I took all four kids to the grocery store, because apparently I wasn’t grumpy enough!
Oh, this season. Leaving behind my sweet friends in North Carolina was the hardest part about coming back to Texas. In our last week there, I told PJ, “I know that in a year I’ll be such good friends with people I haven’t even met yet, but right now that year seems so long and lonely.”
And yet, God provides. Our family hangs out with us oh so much as we’ve crash-landed in their daily lives. We’ve been invited to things, by people who know about all the crazy. Tonight and tomorrow, I get to spend time with ladies who love Jesus just like I do. I came across a book this week called Women Are Scary: The Totally Awesome Adventure of Finding Mom Friends. It looks like a wonderfully timely read, as I start this
awful awesome time of making friends again.
New friends: I can’t wait to meet you, and I’ll try really hard not to be scary. Current friends: I love you and I’m so thankful for you.
Until that next play date…