This post is part of "Life on the Inside", which is a series that gives a glimpse into our adoptive family's daily life. Please read this series with a discerning attitude that is quick to listen and slow to speak.
Due to the sensitive nature of this series, comments have been disabled. However, you can always email me at [email protected].
The dishes were done, the kids were upstairs, and PJ was working late. I stood alone in the quiet kitchen, a petulant child railing against my Father.
Why? Why is it so hard all the freaking time? Can I remind you that we didn't sign up for this AT ALL? Do you remember those forms we filled out that said "NO WAY" to all of these things? If adoption is so good and pure and faultless, why are so few Christians actually doing it? Why us? Why? Was being willing to move overseas not enough?
Precious. My word, I need a Savior. And He responded.
Yeah, I'm going to have you stop that right now. "Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, 'My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose.'" (Isaiah 46:8-10 ESV)
Can I tell you how many times I've seen this verse in the few days since my little rant? It's Brooklyn's Sunday School lesson. It's Vernon's current memory verse. It was part of our sermon text that same week. It was displayed on the giant screens at church following a Wednesday night meeting.
What does it look like to "remember this and stand firm"? For me, the key is cultivating a grateful heart in all circumstances, knowing that God is always good.
I read Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts almost two years ago when I had reached a dark point in our adoption journey. I believed the reality of heaven someday, but the right now was really bleak. What was there to be thankful for when every day was so, so difficult?
I began to search for the blessings that God gives me all the time, in the little things and the hard things.
As I look back through my journal and see the almost 2,000 gifts, large and small, I can see how the Lord truly does use all things for the good of those who love Him. When I consider how my relationship with God has deepened in the challenges of parenting our children, I can honestly say that I am grateful for the difficulties. I am less dependent on myself and more dependent on Christ than I used to be. I fight sin harder than I did in the past. My love for the Word has grown. God's promises are more real to me than they've ever been. I long for Heaven with delightful anticipation that was absent for many years.
Sometimes I'm tempted to think, "I would still pursue You if life was easier." But in light of how much of my sinful nature still exists, I know that God is so merciful to keep me near by way of these unrelenting challenges. The devastating difficulties of our adoptive life are for my good, for my husband's good, for my children's good, and for the good of all who love God.
If you've made it this far, thanks! There's one more post ahead in the series with concluding thoughts as well as the opportunity to hear from people other than me!