Adopted by the King
Adopted by the King

We love because he first loved us.

Katie King
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My Rant of a Review [Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control]

Katie King Katie King

All right, y’all.  I’ve had a good rant building up for several months now after reading two terrible parenting books from the same author.  So here you go…or you can totally skip this post and just promise me that you won’t read the books.

I read Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control, Volume 2, during our licensing process.  It was “recommended” reading, so I snapped up the book, intent on showing my eagerness to be an adoptive parent.  Dare to Love was recommended by our case manager when we were dealing with some really difficult behaviors from Boy.  Both books are written by Heather T. Forbes, LCSW.  She also co-authored Volume 1 of Beyond Consequences, Logic, and Control. (Her co-author, Bryan Post, was reprimanded by the Oklahoma State Board of Licensed Social Workers for misrepresenting his Ph.D. credentials…)

I suppose the proper way to review books would be to give a thorough, unbiased take on what I read.  Well, proper isn’t in the cards today, as I think that both of these books are pieces of whack-a-doodle trash.

Before I start tearing apart the books, I will say that I think the author meant well.  I believe that she thinks this “completely new understanding of how to love and parent your children” is helpful.  I think she’s crazy, but I don’t think she’s intending to be harmful.  Although I think implementing her theory in any home would be harmful.  Anyway…

Overall, these two books have a pervasive, off-putting, “holier-than-thou” tone.  Forbes sees her methods as the only way to truly love children.  Have you ever given your kid a consequence for misbehavior?  Bummer. You don’t actually love your child. You suck as a parent.  Turn from your “traditional” ways to the Beyond Consequence life, and you too can have a magical transformation in your troubled child.

I really do understand that with troubled kids, many of their misbehaviors are rooted in deeper issues.  We’ve learned that Boy’s utter meltdown tantrums usually mean he’s missing his birth family.  Ok, fine.  We can deal with that.  But he’s still not allowed to injure others or express his feelings in intentionally hurtful ways.  Beyond Consequences would let him hurt his siblings and then would have me go apologize to Boy for not protecting him from his past hurts while ignoring the sobbing, hurt sibling.  Thanks.  As if I don’t have enough guilt with my kids, Forbes wants me to take on the burden of their past as my own fault.  Awesome.

Throughout Volume 2 and Dare to Love, there are many sample dialogues that illustrate the Beyond Consequences method.  Did you know that in seven simple sentences, you can get your kid from screaming “go to hell!” to pouring their heart out to you?  Sigh.  Fairy-tale, rainbow encrusted, trite dialogues that are passed off as being authentic really frustrate me.  Can you have a meaningful moment in the midst of difficult behavior?  Absolutely.  Is it going to take a mere 30 seconds before you can skip off into the sunset singing show-tunes?  No.  And one meaningful moment isn’t going to change your kid, as is suggested in many of Forbes’ behavior examples.  It’s going to be a small, though important, step on a lifelong journey.

To close, here are some summarized reasons to avoid this series:

Ok.  So.  I’m not quite sure how this series has made it into the hands of adoption agencies throughout the country, but I’m definitely going to request that our agency stop recommending it.  And now, rant complete, I’m depositing my books in the trash because I can’t justify reselling these to some other poor soul.

Katie King
Author

Katie King

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